August 20, 2011


People pile on that "Miss me Yet?" Bush poster, proposing that it is time for a Carter version of the same. Barack Obama's presidency has become such a malodorous stink bomb that we all have forgotten our misgivings about "W", cruised right past yearning for Bubba, the philandering cohibitator, and now grow nostalgic for disco, platform shoes, the Bee Gees, 8-tracks, and the days when our "only" problems were waiting in gas lines and having to endure an insufferable double-digit misery index.

In some ways, we long for Jimmah Carter.

To be clear: I hated Carter and I still do. I despised the bumbling ineffectiveness during his presidency and the absolute pig's breakfast he's made of his post-presidency. He is a garrulous, demented, senile old tool and useful idiot of lefty turd bags like Cheeseburger Moore. His utterances lately are the closest thing to diarrhea a human can evacuate orally.

But there is one thing to his everlasting credit: when the chips were down and he was at the absolute nadir of his presidency in the midst of the Iran hostage crisis, he kept America's interest and well-being first and foremost in his heart. He may have bumbled his way through this, but he did not give empty, self-absorbed speeches, did not embark on narcissistic "listening tour" bus trips, nor indulge in incredibly tone-deaf, exorbitant vacations. (And, insofar as I can remember, he and Rosalind travelled together on their vacation trips, sparing the American taxpayer the obscene double-billing.)

At the peril of his re-election, he imprisoned himself in the White House or Camp David, eschewing many opportunities to campaign while worrying over those poor unfortunates held prisoner by those sonsofbitches Aqua-Velva-Jhad and his merry men..

Carter always tried to be "like the common folk" with his cardigans, the "malaise speech", the imposition of 55 mph, and the other stupid things that festooned his four years. He was annoying, grating, and stupid. But he was not condescending nor was he arrogant.

Also, Rosalind Carter -- whom I irrationally disliked because of her association with Jimmah -- was a fine first lady who behaved decorously and kept in the background. In the main, both were -- in those days -- honorable people.

So, I never thought I'd say that but there it is:

Yes, President Carter, we do miss you very much!

(Tomorrow, I enter rehab.)