August 27, 2016

Someone bench this asshole and trade him to the Nefoundland Newfs..

I am/was a died-in-the-wool Niner fan. (As a kid I listened to them faithfully and went to a couple of games in Kezar Stadium in GG Park and actually got down on the sidelines courtesy of my friend's dad and shook the hands of the likes of Y. A. Tittle, John Brodie, R. C. Owens, Bob St Clair, Leo Nomilleni, and a host of others.)

Colin Kaepernick (A.K.A., "Colon Kaopectate") is a consummate asshole. I hope he dies and goes to hell with a hard-on. I hope he is sacked by a garbage truck in the parking lot at Levi Stadium. I hope he is gang-raped by all of the bull queers in residence at the "Q". I hope he is traded to the Newfoundland Newfs* for a dozen rolls of toilet paper and a sack of dog crap to be named later..

..I hope.

Anyway, why would anyone be a fan of some Mooz-lem-converting, way-past-his-sell-by-date has-been loser who glues scrotal hair to the sides of his head?

If there is a God, may he see to it that this waste-of-tatooed-skin rides the pines and retires and retires into oblivion and the Niners get someone who will lead them back to their former days of glory.

Also, as an aside, The Newfoundland Newfs were the mythical team that George Plimpton alledged to have played for when he tried out for the Detroit Lions in 1963.

As it is told in Wikipedia:
Paper Lion is a 1966 non-fiction book by American author George Plimpton.
In 1960, Plimpton, not an athlete, arranged to pitch to a lineup of professional baseball players in an All-Star exhibition, presumably to answer the question, "How would the average man off of the street fare in an attempt to compete with the stars of professional sports?" He chronicled this experience in his book, Out of My League.

To write Paper Lion, Plimpton repeated the experiment in the National Football League, joining the training camp of the 1963 Detroit Lions on the premise of trying out to be the team's third-string quarterback. Plimpton, then 36 years old, showed how unlikely it would be for an "average" person to succeed as a professional football player. The book is an expanded version of Plimpton's two-part series which appeared in back-to-back issues of Sports Illustrated in September 1964.[1][2] The book's epilogue is also an expanded article from Sports Illustrated which appeared one year later.

Plimpton had contacted several teams about his idea including his hometown New York Giants and New York Titans (an American Football League team that would change their name to the New York Jets) and Baltimore Colts. The Lions finally agreed to host Plimpton in their training camp. The coaches were aware of the deception but the players were not until it became apparent that Plimpton did not know how to receive the snap from center. Despite his struggles Plimpton convinced head coach George Wilson to let him take the first five snaps of the annual intra-squad scrimmage conducted in Pontiac, Michigan. Plimpton managed to lose yardage on each play.

Feeling confident he could do better, Plimpton hung around training camp one more week as the team prepared for its first pre-season game against the Cleveland Browns, being sure if the Lions had a big enough lead near the end of the game, Wilson would let him play. However, team officials informed Plimpton at halftime that NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle would not allow him to play under any circumstance. The next day Plimpton packed up and ended his experiment. Before he left, however, the Lions awarded him a gold football that was engraved: "To the best rookie football player in Detroit Lions history."

The book is memorable as one of the first to showcase the personalities of the players and coaches and what happens off the field. Figuring prominently in the book are linebacker Wayne Walker, quarterback Milt Plum, future Hall of Famers cornerback Dick "Night Train" Lane and middle linebacker Joe Schmidt, and defensive tackle Alex Karras, among others. However, Karras's inclusion is exclusively through the stories about him told by teammates, coaches and other team personnel. Karras missed the 1963 season serving a suspension for gambling on football games.

Of course, my absolute favorite coming out of that movie as Alex Karras who has a long an storied career as an All American at Iowa and a lustrous albeit combative career with the Detroit Lions, In fact, if you read his bio over at Wikipedia, you come to the realization that Alex did not exactly stride down a smooth and easy road of life.

One of his most memorable moments occurred, if I recall correctly, when he was commentating with Howard Cosell during a Monday Night Football pre-season game between the Raiders and Packers. The camera panned onto a sideline shot of Raider lineman Otis Sistrunk who had his hemet off and had steam rising from his shaved head in the late September evening.

"Well, there's Otis Sistrunk, from the University of Mars", Karras remarked.

..infinitely more witty and graceful in his life and manner that the course, brash, untalented "Colin Kaopectate", wouldn't you say?

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