November 16, 2010

Fear of Flying II

"Sir, please come with me if you would!"
I did some inspired thinking about this TSA "Scope or Grope" thing last night. (Hey, I always work better at night within arm's reach of a bottle of Lismore.) We're going about this all wrong. Bump all of the current loser-TSA-screeners upstairs into admin positions and away from the public. (Where their incompetence will, by virtue of the Peter Principle, land them in a few years anyway.) Then start hiring only -- and I mean ONLY -- hunk out of work actors and feloniously voluptuous and comely out-of-work actresses to serve as the front line troops in the inspection brigade. Next, pass a rule that says men passengers get checked only by women screeners and women passengers get checked only by men screeners.

I am willing to bet that this controversy would evaporate over night and that airline travel would blossom to epic levels.

For variety, gay travelers could have their own lines and we could expand the screening modes to appeal to travelers who have -- shall we say -- other tastes. You know, like for example, some lady screeners could be wearing more severe uniforms with thigh-high stiletto-heeled boots and perform the, ahem, pat down with a riding crop.

Of course, I'm just spit-balling here, but what the hell?



  1. How do I get to be on the committee of hiring the men? The hiring should be done by committee in a nightclub atmosphere.

  2. ..did y'all have Chippendales out in Tejas? We could see about the auditions being handled out there.

    Personally, I think I am going to ask for a spot on the committee assigned to hiring women. There's a place over here in the O.C. on Harbor Blvd. I think I'll get a pile of dollar bills and head over there in case they start hiring..

    ..anyway, it's a good ploy to use for Mrs War Planner.

  3. No Chippendale male dancers in this part of Texas. But I would do my patriotic duty and have them dance in my studio.....