March 30, 2013

Not the last dime, however..

From Rick, this delicious morsel:

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March 27, 2013

The Last Nickel



A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

(Hat tip to my X. O.)

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March 26, 2013

Road Trip!

The USAF has seen fit to detail me to Nellis AFB for a week for the Pacific Region Staff College. Gots to drive and -- most importantly -- I will be without the company of the beloved Mrs War Planner. I shall miss her Saturday Night Chicken and her company. So, this melody comes incessantly to my fevered mind. Particularly the last lines:

Well my rig's a little old,
But that don't mean she's slow.
There's a flame from her stack,
And the smoke's rolling black as coal.
My hometown's coming in sight,
If you think I'm happy your right.
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

Enjoy.


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Good money after bad II?

"Well! Isn't that special!"
Yes. Here is a response to a solicitation from Huge Hew-Witless's insipid show. (My apologies to Christians and Catholics, but I find his incessant shows on this topic stultifying and boring. But, then that's repetitively redundant, innit?)

Dear "Hughniverse Team":

HahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahaha......HahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahaha....HahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahaha....HahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahahaHahahaha..

..relationship? RELATIONSHIP? It was the same as a relationship between a hooker and a client. I paid you money and I got..

Tell you what:

(0) Stop with the absolutely OPPRESSIVE commercial load on the show (and on your station in general). More spots than on Lady Macbeth's hands. It's like a litter of Dalmatians.

(1) Stop with all the All-Catholic/all-Religion All The Time. Even as a Christian, I find this off-putting and boring. So there's a new pontiff? When he quits/croaks there will be YET ANOTHER new pontiff. What's the big deal? It's been working like that for over 2,003 years.

(2) Stop patronizing people. Stop soliciting for drone GOP campaign funds when the GOP raised two billion and blew it out it's ass in attempting to un-elect the WORST POTUS in history and an egregious, grasping, commie congress.

(3) Tell John Campbell that his job is AS AN ELECTED REPRESENTATIVE OF CONGRESS and NOT a talk show host. He needs to work for his constituents NOT Hugh Hewitt.

(4) Stop with the tedious, lame, and un-hip OSU/Cleveland pro teams sports stuff. Who cares? That's Ohio and the Midwest, fer crissakes.

(5) Stop with the beyond-tedious USC bashing. (This from a 1968 UCLA grad).

(6) MOST IMPORTANT: stop with the gratuitous Generalissimo bashing. That guy is the best thing that show's got.

..better yet: fire Hewitt and hire Duane. He is 1,000% sharper when it comes to politics, 2,000% funnier, and 3,000% more listenable. See if you can get Duamne and Ed Morrissey to do the show.

In the mean time, if you want me, I'll be over at 790 KHz listening to your competition.

[The War Planner]
Fountain Valley, California

---- Hughniverse wrote:

Come Back To Hughniverse

Hello ,
Don't want to miss out on another minute of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show? Then read
below...
We noticed that your Hughniverse subscription expired and has not been renewed.
We sincerely value your membership and would love to have you back. Remember, a
subscription to Hugh Hewitt's premium site gives you access to exclusive features
including:
- Daily, commercial-free podcasts of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show
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- Plus more...
Renew your Hughniverse membership today! If you would like to renew your subscription and stay in the loop of all things
Hugh Hewitt, please go to here.Your username is: warplanner Have any questions? Feel free to email us here.
If you already have a current/active membership to Hughniverse, we apologize for
this email and you may ignore it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Best Regards,

The Hughniverse Team
http://www.hughniverse.com.
Maybe Huge-wit could liven up his show by having a Barbed wire steel cage match slap fest with Pat Caddell.

..this confirms it, I am becoming a bitter old man!


Screw it! We want Duane! We want Duane! We want Duane!

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Good money after bad?


I am, more and more, receiving solicitations from Rinse Pree-bus and the crowd as to why we should NOW rally 'round the flag and throw more of our hard-earned green into the pot. This is particularly galling since it was revealed that Mr Cheese-head BETA TESTED their vaunted GOTV software on election night and it failed ~~ as did they.

Consequently, there solicitations to me are receiving responses like the following:

Well, Mike, I donated and walked and phone-banked all last year for Romney here in California. The more than $1,000 I contributed to this effort was very precious to me since I make less than $100,000 per year ~~ and I am not about to do it again on a whim. You all had your chance to oust one of the WORST presidents in history along with members of the most egregiously leftist and grasping congress ever. You all collectively received over TWO BILLION to do this and you failed. So, I am sure you will understand why I am not about to invest any more of my money and time until I see a worthwhile effort.
Why don't you guys take back the Senate, for example, and maybe then I'll consider cutting loose with some Benjamins.

Love and kisses,

The war Planner

---- Mike Shields wrote:
Dear William,

We are currently gearing up for the largest voter outreach program the Republican party has ever seen, and we need your help.

This summer we will begin this process of putting hundreds of boots on the ground in communities across this nation. No one individual, demographic, or state will be overlooked, or taken for granted.

This expansive program is going to change the way we do business, reshaping and rebuilding our party from the ground up.

These plans are going to cost money, but we truly believe that this is going to change the face of our party, and in time our nation.

That is why we need your help TODAY!

The work we do this year is critical for laying the foundation for many years and elections to come. We can't afford to wait.

Contribute today and help us spread our party's message of prosperity to every single American.

Thanks,

Mike Shields
RNC Chief of Staff
------------------------------------------------------
Republican National Committee
310 First Street, SE
Washington, D.C. 20003
p: 202.863.8500
f: 202.863.8820
e: info@gop.com
Paid for by the Republican National Committee.

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March 25, 2013

Daily Piss-Off #1..

..so I walk into a watch shop and ask if they'll replace the battery in my old Casio sports watch (that I have owned since 1999) and this bitch running the store (of SEA extraction) breaks away from a seemingly interminable cell phone conversation and rattles on about how they won't guarantee the the waterproof seal if they REPLACE THE BATTERY. I said, that's o.k., just replace the battery.

So I get the watch back and the lady rattles on about how the digital window time cannot be set because the buttons "were broken when we opened up the watch".

"Bullshit!," I said, "I just set that watch two days ago! They were working then!"

Then she and her husband get in defensive mode and start blathering bout how it was already broken. I slam down my ATM card and say, "Just charge me the fucking ten dollars and I'll be on my way."

They still protest so I repeat my request. I add that they must be piss poor craftsmen because NO PLACE on the face of the fucking globe have I ever been given a caveat like that when I have asked to have my watch battery changed. I sign the receipt and, as I disappear out the door, I tell them, "The next time I or any of my friends need to get charged $10 to have a watch broken, we'll stop in and see you!"

Some times life sucks  dog turds, don't it?

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March 22, 2013

Just sayin..


..ka-chuck! Boom!

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March 20, 2013

Mr VPOTUS..

..looks strangely like Bill Whittle. don't he?


Again, thanks Rick!

-30-

Proper Pistol Grip Procedure for "Outer City" Denizens

Hey, deprived, disadvantage white guys, here's something to help you with the life, so you can hang with the homies in the hood...

...knowwhatI'msayin?


..and now for how our fathers and grandfathers were trained to do this sort of thing. In one case there's the bleccched out inner-city drug dealer technique and then there's this:



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Death to all Camel Shaggers!


DON CHERRY, Canadian Hockey Commentator for CBC Television, was asked on a local live radio talk show, what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:
"If hooking up one rag head terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Canadian or American life, then I have only three things to say: 'Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

Courtesy of Rick D., L. A. LEO, retired.
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March 19, 2013

The people are revolting!

"..this will arrive in June some time."
..good for the CO sheriffs and all the other folks taking part in this people’s revolt against tyranny.

There is this dichotomy of thought that Obama is sinister and is unfolding an evil plan to take down this nation on one hand and that he is a bumbling, ignorant fool on the other.

This attempt by him and his coterie of commie sycophants to erase firearm ownership from the American scene is a classic example of his stupidity, however. The public — seeing this threat to the first, second, fourth, and tenth amendments — have reacted by buying more guns, ammunition, and even the wherewithal to produce same.

This has driven demand for all items through the roof — including those goods and services on the periphery of the question. It’s annoying and yet satisfying to put in an order for a reloading press, dies, powder, bullets, brass, etc. and be told that you have a six-month wait until you receive the items you ordered.

Wolverines!

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March 5, 2013

March 4, 2013

Nation of sheep..

"We live in a society of wolves. You do not fight back by creating more sheep!"


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