SCOAMF stubs toe in Iowa..

"Someone tell Obama to come over here and pull my pork!"

This whole thing -- the Obama Running Off the Rails Bus Tour -- is beginning to stink like festering pig afterbirth in the hot Midwestern sun.

I mean, you got VP FLATLINE threatening to sell the slaves off their liberal plantation in Danville, Virginia (last capitol of The Confederacy) into chains to the Simon Legree flesh peddling Republicans unless they toe the line for him and Barack. Then you got Slow Joe misreading his wrist sundial and proclaiming that we're going back to the 20th century.

But along the main roads with Hatchet-Ass and the crew, a man can't get a decent pulled-pork sammich without some goddam caterer throwing the fact in the press's face that he doesn't owe the gummint a bloody thing because he thinks he built his deli business by himself. (More below.)

I tell you, these uppity civilians just don't know who's buttering their backsides, do they?

And now, our beloved Pantload POTUS and THE WIDE-LOAD FLOTUS (still picking the lobster meat fragments from betwixt her fangs) are mopping up in Iowa and leaving friends and voters in their wake.

Hah! With friends like the Obamas, who needs enemies?

A brief recounting of his flubs over this 471 mile expedition on "Gound Force One". Let's start at his version of the Iowa Beer Summit where he acted stupidly:

In Des Moines, at the end of his first day on the road, the president stopped off at the Iowa State Fair to visit the fairgrounds’ famous beer tent. The Obama campaign was thrilled with the resulting photo-op: Regular-guy president buys a round of Budweisers for a dozen or so fairgoers, who break into a cheeky cheer (“four more beers!”) in support of his re-election.

But it soon emerged that Mike Cunningham II, the third-generation owner of the 65-year-old institution known as the Bud Tent, was less than thrilled with the visit. On one hand, he told reporters, it’s always an honor to host the president of the United States (in 1954, his great-grandfather received Dwight Eisenhower at the fair, the first of four sitting presidents to visit over the years).

On the other hand, in a tough economic environment the security requirements of the presidential stop, which included a full Secret Service sweep of the area, meant the beer tent had to be shut down for nearly two hours during its busiest time of day, Cunningham complained. He claimed that Obama’s appearance cost him some $25,000 in revenue, which he described wryly as making a “campaign contribution against my will.”

“I wouldn’t have voted for him before,” Cunningham told the Des Moines Register. “I won’t again.”

..and so it goes as the Magical Misery Tour eases on down the road:

On Day 2 of Obama’s bus tour, he visited a wind farm in central Iowa to highlight his support for -- and Mitt Romney’s opposition to -- tax credits for the wind energy industry. Again, the campaign was thrilled with the picture-perfect optics of the event.

But shortly after Obama’s caravan departed, Jeff Heil, the owner of the farm, and his son Jarret, let it be known that although the president was “gracious, personable, and very respectful” -- and that Jeff and Obama actually said a quick prayer together at the farm Tuesday, neither man will be voting for him in November.

“It is important to not get caught up in the president's glamorous re-election words and remember President Obama's first term record and rhetoric does not represent Middle America, entrepreneurs, small business owners and farmers,” Jarret Heil said in a statement to the media.

It turns out Jarret Heil is a registered Republican, a former staffer for Sen. Chuck Grassley and, not surprisingly, a supporter of Mitt Romney.

..and, finally, the tour de force of le tour du boobus, his encounter with the recalcitrant deli owner:

And at the final stop of Obama’s tour in Davenport on Wednesday, the national press corps was surprised to find Ross Murty, the co-owner of the Village Corner Deli, which catered the event, wearing a black T-shirt with big, bold white letters that read, “Government didn’t build my business. I did” -- a dig at Obama’s now-infamous remark in Virginia last month about small businesses.

But I am sure that our darling couple, Mr and Mrs Mooch scurried across the Iowa/Illinois line ignorant in the bliss that they had done three good days' work.

Guess again, you mom-jeans wearin' fool:

• Obama currently only leads Romney by a single point in the RCP average of polls and the most recent poll here shows Romney leading Obama by two points.
• Romney’s campaign blew the doors off Obama in fundraising in Iowa, gathering $1.1 million in July from more than 7,000 different donors.
• Iowa remains a critical swing state -- Obama spent three critical days there defending essentially 6 electoral votes -- and it will probably require him to continue to expend money resources to defend it.

So, come on back, Obama, and suck on an ear of corn or two, why doncha?

-30-