January 23, 2013

Going Woodster..

"..this space available.."
In the style of a good friend and blogger I admire greatly, the oft-imitated but never surpassed Woodsterman:

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

----

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I told her, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

----

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."

----

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

----

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

----

..thanks to Tom the detective.

-30-

6 comments:

LL said...

Men of a certain age, in a bar and looking for love, are sometimes forced to "go ugly early" to avoid disappointment and keep to their accustomed bed time...

We are not there yet. But the Woodsterman? (haha)

Fredd said...

Been married so long, I can't remember what 'bar' means.

crankyjohn said...

Fredd, being married we know exactly how it feels to be behind them though.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Dude, are you still allowing Anonymous?

Hey, I've used all of those pick up lines. I haven't had any luck in years ... Go figure.

The War Planner said...

Gentlemen:

This is what friends are for! Odie just tipped me to a huge hole in the defenses. Now -- thanks to Odie -- no more spam but, alas, no more Russian teen-age cheerleaders selling me their Viagra or offering me get rich quick deals from their Nigerian former-finance-minister uncles.

*sigh*

Well, ya gotta take the sweet with the sad sometimes!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Dude, you need a number?