February 13, 2011

THE RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. War Planner,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5.. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

13. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

14. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 ..my days and weekends are mostly free now.


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February 6, 2011

"Ya'all be good, you heah..?"

Beaufort T. Justice woulda been proud of these good ol' boys.



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February 4, 2011

Breaking the surly bonds..



..strap in, depart the earth, pull the apple, and enjoy real freedom.

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February 3, 2011

For want of a nail..


Sorry to have been gone so long. 

This is mine. I got it cheap. It broke. I fixed it. I learned how to fix these type of things. That's what I have been doing..

..now I gotta go back to the shop. See you soon.

UPDATE: Honest to goodness, folks, I have been engaged in this effort as a semi-vacation from the political blog world. I would say for sanity reasons but that would be a slight prevarication. The little radio I was building wasn't checking out at the various build points and I had to debug it. Not to convey the impression that I know squat about electronics or troubleshooting radios -- I am a relative neophyte in that department -- but I give it a shot from time to time.

So, anyway, while checking out the VFO on this rig, I suddenly noticed that my trusty, rusty Tek 2445's display was quivering weirdly and the horizontal sweep was somewhat jerky. Here's the checkout config on a good day:

So, I put the radio away and popped the covers on the scope. After some head-scratching, RTFMing, swearing, and hallelujahs, I extract a couple of electrolytic caps, replace them and power the beast back up. Well,  I won't have to worry about the "don't fix it if it ain't broke" bromide any more because the 2445 was definitely broke after I fixed it.  

More head-scratching, manual-reading, etc. led me to a bad resistor in the +42V supply. Replacing it yielded the picture up at the top of this post and I'm back in biz, right?

..well, in the process of re-installing the scope back into the bench, I pulled my old surplus AN/URM-25D signal generator, noticed that the power cord was bad, did an R&R, and..

*sigh*

But it's fun and it take one's mind off of Obama and the rest of the clowns in D.C. busy ruining our lives. But I'll be back once I fix all of my test equipment.

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January 21, 2011

Splinters in her crotch

A woman from Los Angeles, CA who was a tree hugger, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."

..yeah, yeah, I know. It';s all over the internet and I haven't posted in a while, and all that. What can I say? Don't pay the ransom, I escaped? The dog ate my home work? I am on a secret mission for the Government?

You make one up, I gotta disappear again for a while.

..down periscope. Glub..glub..glub.

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